Hunger is just an emotion. A feeling. Like love or hate or anger. We feel hungry. But who says we have to do anything about it? Just like you can sit in a room with someone you absolutely dispise and act as though things are prefectly fine, you can ignore that feeling of hunger and overcome it. Why is it that we are programmed to react to hunger immedietly but we can simply choose to overcome other emotions? Our bodies need food just as much as we need love, in my opinion, but so many people can be completely ignorant to the fact that they are in love until it is too late. Yet the minute you see some delicious food on TV or smell fresh doughnuts as you walk  by a bakery that immediatly triggers the rumble in your stomach and you reach for food, Without even thinking twice most of the time. Well, no more. At least not for me.

I have a terrible time controlling my emotions. I know this. I admit it, I have a problem. I would see a therapist but since I am not diagnosed with anything my medical coverage will not cover me seeing one just for my own personal needs. I am not the type of person with friends that I can call, crying, when things become too overwhelming. As much as I long for a friend like that, I've never made one. Although mym other had been dead since 05 I still have a hard time dealing with the fact that she is not out there in the world somewhere. She was absent for most of my life. After I turned about 15 the family I was living with made me stop taking calls from her. So to realize that she is not out there in some other state and that she is not going to pick up the phone and call me. On top of that, I still know that in my heart I am in love with Bradley, my ex from about 4 or 5 years ago. And I know that I will always love Nick. And I never let any of them go. They are emotions that I cannot control. To control my hunger is practice for controlling the other, harder, painful things. The things that tear me down when I am alone and make my heart feel heavy in my chest. To overcome hunger is only the beginning. But I will do it.

Intake

Two mini hershey's dark chocolate

Two cans of coke

One crispy chicken sandwich- plain (planned)

Dinner- two salmon patties, corn and a glass of chocolate milk

Outtake

Walking around the city-done

playing with my daughter-done

crunches

double leg lifts

flutterkicks

reverse crunches

push ups

lunges

wall sit

All the outtake is planned. None has happened yet as of 12.26. I am trying to work my abs. I did a better butt workout two nights ago and the soreness from that is just beginning to go away but each night I push myself to do five more leg lifts and flutterkicks, etc than before and still no ab soreness. It feels like nothing is working. Does anyone know of any other good ab exercies that work? Thanks!

PS. I succeeded in not killing my fellow employess but I am pretty close to failing that today. This girl is being such a bitch. She slept in so she was an hour late and ever since she got here she has been mouthing off to me cause I stopped being super nice to her about asking the same thing ten times every day. She asked what floor this one attornry is on (she has asked me that every morning since she started filling in here) and I was like hold on. And I made her a list of all the questions she asks me ten times a day and I gave her the answers and I said "In case I am not in the room and you need to know. because there is nothing worse than running around like a maniac doing two jobs and then walking back in here to send faxes and do copy jobs and being bombarded with questions that I am asked every single day." She was like, you don't have to be a bitch about it. Well excuse me for getting sick of your stupidity. Ugh. Next time, go to bed on time instead of staying up so you can pick your older brother up at a bar at 2 in the morning and then expect to wake up at 5.30. Then maybe I will be in a better mood since you will be here to do your job and you will be in a better mood because you will have gotten enough sleep. Ugh. I will not hurt her. I will not hurt her.

Meant to fast today but wound up getting a killer headache at work. My manger is on vacay so I am standing in for him and things were crazy. So I had two mini hershey bars, the tiny snack size, and half a bag of cheetos. Then when I came home I ate half of a mozzarella stick. So all in all not too bad. My legs are killing me from working out last night. I am exhausted and all I wanna do is watch House, shower and then sleep.

Looked in the history of my computer and found out Nick has been checking out the hustler site looking at porn. Doesn't piss me off as bad as it should but still. It's my computer, he should have some respect.

Him and Novaleigh are going to his other grandma's tomorrow night and they are staying over since he has his driver's test Wednesday morning. So yet another day away from my daughter. This sucks.

Sorry for the depressing post. Stay strong girls!

I am thinking of trying the 2468 diet. Not sure how long it would take Nick to notice how little I am eatting but I can always say we had pizza at work or something on the days he brings it up. Not sure how to do it though. I might make it 2-4-6-8-0 and the two regular days. Or I may just keep looping that cycle. My question to everyone:

Has anyone else tried this diet? What are some good filling foods to eat so I am not tempted to give in and eat. I know rice cakes are quite low cal and pretty filling. But what else is out there?

Be strong ladies!